No More?

I stopped counting the days. I've lost count about how many days have it been since the last time we spoke. It's not that I intentionally did that, no, I did not. Life happened, and I moved on. Here's one thing, I'd like to see my heart as a messy bedroom, and I've always avoid from keeping things in place. I like when at nights, I'd get into my room and stumble upon stuff I almost forget, exist. This is one of those days that I happen to stumble upon these memories of you. Do I miss you? Yes, I do. Your smile, your laugh, your stupid jokes, your sarcastic comments -- your entire presence around me, I miss that. Do I wanna be with you once again if given the chance? Truthfully, I don't know. I did say, one day, when we are both a better person, and God again let us be together again, I would love to - maybe, then, we will both be better for each other. But right now, at this particular moment, I don't know. I don't have anyone in mind, if you are curious. Sure, I do talk and see some other girls at times, but I don't intend to be together with any. Probably not ever, until I get out from Gombak. All I want in life right now is to make myself happy. And the scar that left from the last time has not fade, ergo I can't see myself being happy with anyone else.

This doesn't mean that the feelings once shared wasn't real. It's just life happens, people change, and feelings fade.

Some ask whether or not I still love you. To me, it doesn't matter. What matters is how do I feel for you back then, and to answer it honestly, I do. Or I did. I don't know anymore. But my feelings were real, if it wasn't for you I wouldn't know what love is. As cheesy and as cliche as it might be, that's the truth. Love, as you taught me, is not a holiday in a field of daffodils, with the sea as the everyday view. It's not just that. Love is when you get cut by the thorns there in the field and the sea can sometimes bring big waves. Love is, despite all that, we are still together, holding hand. For better or for worse. Thanks for that.

I hope right now, you are happy with whatever you are doing, or whom you are being with. i honestly, truthfully, seriously wishing you to be happy. Nothing would make me happy than seeing you are.

And the story goes on,

M. Qarin Al Maduri