Goodnight

I was lying down in my bed listening to M83's Wait when this pair of hands crawled up from under my bed. When this situation occur, it is supposed to be a terrifying event for most people, but oddly, I wasn't a tad bit scared. Deep within, I was smiling, as a matter of fact. It's that same hand that I used to hold back then. Way back then. The soft, small, pale hand of this friend of mine. It gestured as if asking how I've been. Like saying, "have you forgotten about me?" No, my friend, not even once, not even on my busiest day. I may have trouble remembering people's names and faces, but yours is the least possible to be forgotten. It's like your name has been carved, tattooed at the very center of this blood-pumping organ of mine. And to answer the question, yes, I've been well. Of course not as well as when you were here, but I'm getting better -- thanks to those gift of friends that God has bestowed me with. 

The hand then continued to stroke my hair, trying to put me to sleep. You, more than most people, know that I've always trouble sleeping. When most people have trouble to sleep at night because of thousands of thoughts that they have in mind, I've always troubled by the thought of you. When will I see you again? Will you be the same? Will I still remember your face later when we meet? What if I've actually met you again amongst the crowd that I've seen everyday, but was too ignorant to recognize who you are? You're like that song that one would put on play every night before going to sleep. That's what you are to me. "Ergo, please, don't fade from my memory", I murmured to my soul. To your soul. And the stroking continues. It's soothing, it helps putting me at ease; but, I don't think I should live forever with this hand from under my bed. Like everyone, I should be afraid. The thing is I'm not scared, and I don't wanna be. Not of this familiar pair of hands. But I wanna let go.

Then the thought of these everyday people, with annoying, contagious laughs, silly jokes and big hope come resting beside me. One by one other familiar hands appear and shook me, telling me to snap out from that banshee that I recognized as a friend. And so I did. And at that moment, for the first time in my life, I finally fly.

.......

I still have trouble sleeping. But it's better for me to sleep late, or not at all, rather than comfortably with something that I no longer have any idea about.


Thank you,
M. Qarin Al Maduri