Being with you

Being with you is something that I've always dreamed of having, though I never thought that it was going to be a dream come true. Somehow you made all those dreams come into reality, you made every moment that we used spending together feels all worthwhile. When you came, it feels like you're bringing a torch along together with you, lighting what was supposed to be an eternity of darkness in my life. But as everything else in the world, the light doesn't last; like how the coffee don't forever stays hot, like how one after another cigarettes finished, like how you left after promised for a forever.

I know that I might not be the best thing that ever happened to your life, nor am I to everyone else's, but, you are to me. I know that the time you spend together with me aren't always beautiful, but, all the eye gazes we shared, all the fingers interlocked are the most beautiful moment in my life. I know that I am not perfect, with all those foul words and the habit of taking people for granted, but, I want you to know, you are the most perfect person that I've ever met in my whole entire lifetime.

The thing is, I'm still trying to learn to love myself and most of the time I'm terrified that no one is ever going to see the light in me. That's not your fault and it's not mine either. I think we caught each other at bad times. You're fully grown and I'm still arching towards whatever sunshine I can find. You don't need to be told but I can't apologize for the days I can barely find my knees. I won't apologize for how earnestly I needed you to be there for me. Where my feet still feel like they're learning to walk. My heart hasn't found its leg yet, sometimes it stutters and trips on itself, sometimes it speaks so quietly I can barely hear it. My heart is a baby giraffe. There are days where my entire body is an open hand, I will stand in front of you and say "please, I need you to love me a little louder today." I'm sorry that no one ever taught you how and if they did, you didn't want to be that kind of flowering with me. We are both learning to adore each other differently. Sometimes that means we can't be in the same room when it happens. In the meantime, I am going to grow without you, I'm going to tell the sun my name. God, I hope it's beautiful. I hope it’s hopeful.

I hope that we're both gonna be okay,

M. Qarin Al Maduri