Weakest

This is something I wrote recently, in five minutes on one of my darkest days. The reason it didn’t take long is because it’s something I’ve felt every single day for almost 43 consecutive months straight, about one specific person who will just never ever ever understand how much I care about her. It took five minutes because I know the feeling so much and I can only think it in my head. I believe that it is relatable for a lot of people, who fall in love in the coldest way, thinking that somehow, the person they feel everything for will someday feel the same way about them. But they just don’t. Or they do but they’re too scared to tell you. Either way, you’re heartbroken, left thinking that you’re not worth the honest truth, whether it’s good or bad.

So this is what I came up. This is how I feel. And I believe this is the weakest feeling there is. I've not always come to do when it comes to many things, but i have never known what to do when it comes to you. You toy with my emotions, make me feel things I'm terrified to feel, act like you care for a second and then change your mind the next. It will happen on a drunken night, a promise shared just between the two of us, with you telling me that tomorrow, when you're in sober state, you'll really let me know how you feel. You said you'd tell me what to do even if it was bad news. But you done. You just forget. Or pretend to do. And the vicious circle starts again, and we fall back into the same pattern, going over the same routine. It kills me. Because caring about someone who doesn't care for you back... That's the weakest feeling there is.

I may not own you, but I love you,
M. Qarin Al Maduri