Uni

"Terrible things happen to good people everyday. Consequentially I am not one of the good people. I am one of the terrible things." -Marianna Paige

I've already been in university. Centre for Foundation Studies of International Islamic University Malaysia to be exact. Well finally, I'm here. It's like a dream came true; you know, to be in a university, getting further my studies although it's just a local university, but I still am glad to be here. I'm glad and I'm sad at the same time, and yes, I can't figure out why very clearly. I'm glad because I can finally have a new routine, be in a new place, meet great people; but in spite of all the good things, I'm also sad because some things don't really goes as how I wonder it would be. It's just the orientation week and I can feel the pressure already. Too many cool kids, too many smart kids, and I don't feel like I'm belong here. You may say that I lose my self-esteem completely here. I'm afraid that I might not fulfill my parents expectation; I disappoint them like a lot of time already and I don't want to do it anymore; but I still don't have that confidence, that braveness to face all these things. It's 3.48 in the morning right now, and I still can't sleep. This is what usually I do when thoughts are whirling; I miss my mum, my dad, my siblings, my friends, and almost everyone, to make it clear.

At first, things seems like it has already goes well as what I planned before; to finally having a chance to step my feet in a university. To be known as a mahasiswa of IIUM. But not now, not anymore. I'm not really sure, this may sound cliche but I do want a chance to go far away. Explore a new country, meet new people. I'm going through a phase right now, where I need new faces in my life. It's not even the fact that I'm bored of them or I hate them or anything, it's just that.. Maybe some new faces will do me good. Maybe a new place will ease my mind. But I'm not sure if it's suppose to be here, if it's suppose to be these people, I don't think so. I need to get out of here.

I just wish I knew where I want to go. 

M. Qarin Almaduri